You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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