names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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