when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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