You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
