I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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