i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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