i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
