Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
