dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
