i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She needs sedatives and a leash
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
