Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Holy shit dude........stairs
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