I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Houston, we have a squirter
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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