he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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