Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
