It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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