the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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