my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
