Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
