shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize