I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
