i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
