i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
