Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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