hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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