Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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