He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
