We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
