And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The uberlube is also flammable
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
