Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
