Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
