that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
