Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize