dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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