my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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