just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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