I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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