Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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