Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
