I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
