And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
