im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize