So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
