sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
