Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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