I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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