I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
