I wish my penis had an off switch
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
