Who did Billy Mays play for?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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