Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
