i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You made out with two different species that night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
