There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
