I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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