plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
