Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
