Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
