How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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