there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize