Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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