Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
