Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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