Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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