he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
