I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
