never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
