hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize