First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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