My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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