Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
