im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
